I guess that it's true that distance makes the heart grow fonder. It had been some time since I had seen the guy that I had like. A few weeks, to be truthful. No, I'm not gonna lie. I missed him like hell. Even though, I hadn't expected to have him how he was. I'm just confused by him. After not seeing him for a few weeks, he picks me up and let's me wrap my arms and legs around me and then carries me. At the same time, he kissed me before that. The entire day that I was with him, he kept being close to me. I kept catching him staring at me. I'm, honestly, confused by him. I understand that distance does complicate things. But even after everything, it feels like he and I haven't been separated. If that made any sense, I don't know. It just feels like all I can do is think about him anymore. I don't know what to do. I wanna ask him out. But, at the same time, I'm the traditional type of girl and want him to say something to me first. I admitted to him, about four/five months ago, that I liked him first. He hasn't said anything else since then. I want him to, but I don't wanna push it or anything. And at the same time, I don't wanna wait for him for forever and then miss out on something else. I mean, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me (male wise). And I can, always, picture myself just staying with him forever and ever. There have been other guys that I've liked before him, but this is the only guy that I've felt like this with. Does this mean anything? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know anymore. I just want somebody else's opinion of it.

I'm curious ... What does it mean when you can talk to a guy about anything?

"Sam" and I are really close. To the point where we're always talking about anything and everything. Last night, we were actually talking about kids and marriage. It's weird. Like, it was a really deep convo. Things that I'd say on here, I was saying to him. And asking him about such things. I'm not used to it. I'm not going to lie, I enjoyed it. This past weekend, I saw him. Him, my sister and I all hung out. Throughout the day, him and I were holding hands. I enjoy it. I know that he knows it too. We ended up in a Target at the mall that we went to and he was giving me a hug and then ended up picking me up. So, since I'm afraid of heights ... I had my legs around his waist and was holding on for dear life. "Sam" knows that I'm afraid of heights and I think he does that on purpose. Just to mess with me. While he did that, my sister went one direction and "Sam" carted me off on our own. That was about the only thing that I can think of (at the mall) that's worth mentioning with him and I. In the car, I was resting against him while my sister was napping. I was almost asleep when he started tickling me. It was so uncool. Then we all went to an apartment and while "Sam" and his mom were playing cards, I started a tickle fight with my sister. It was funny. lmao After a while, "Sam's" Mom left and while I was talking to my sister I got tackled. By "Sam" no less. It was odd. I ended up lying on my back under him. Yeah, it looked really wrong. And neither of us were moving until my sister said something.

-Sighs- I have no idea if any of that means anything. I mean, in my mind I think it does. But that's only because I love him so much. Yes, I know. I'm not even dating him and I already love him. I don't even know if he knows that at all. And, honestly, if he knows ... I don't mind. I'm not hiding anything from him. I'm just not admitting to anything right away. If he asks, then yes. I'm going to admit it. But, other than that, I'm not saying anything. Ah well.

~*~ Kate ~*~

What do you do when your heart wants you to say something, yet your mind won't allow it? How do you find a balance between the two when all you end up with is either a headache or a stomachache? It seems as though it's next to impossible. However, if there's one thing that I've learned throughout my entire life, it's that anything that is deemed "impossible" becomes probable.

Lately, I've been wondering the difference between being in love and just having a crush. People can have a crush on somebody for a long time. It can last for days, months or even years. However, it all depends on the feelings towards said person. Here's some questions that I wish for you to answer?

- Would you take a bullet for them?
- Does their happiness mean more to you than your own?
- Would you give up everything just to see them smile in your direction?

Those are just a few questions that I can come up with. As time goes on, I'll come up with other ones.

~*~ Kate ~*~